Don't Own the Shame

Focus Area:  Remove Your Obstacles

Shame - the arch-enemy of love and acceptance, communicates hate, disapproval, rejection, inadequacy, disappointment, and we entertain this dialogue.

Is it because we agree or because we know no other way to be?

For most of us, it’s because someone we loved and trusted verbally and/or physically communicated that we were “bad” - not good enough, and so we grew to believe this lie.  Believed it to the point of hiding our true authentic selves so that we could gain the approval and love of others.  To the point of not trusting our own values and intentions so we give in the the sentence set for us.

Shame is evil and tricky.  It convinces you that your negative thoughts are genuine and that this is your only reality.  It makes you the bad person even when you are completely innocent.  And it’s not satisfied until all of your self-confidence is dismantled.  Sounds much like Satan, doesn’t it?

So, what are we to do?

Even though everyone’s story is different, if we take ownership of our reality, we begin to see ourselves in a more clear, accepting light.

Let’s take disapproval for example.  When you make a mistake, what is the first thought that pops in your mind?  Do you discern for yourself what went wrong or do you immediately think about the opinion of others?  Do you focus on what made you disappointed or how you may have disappointed someone else?

In order to demolish shame, you have to start by asking yourself, “What do I believe?”  At first, your response may be what you think others believe.  But if you continue to ask yourself this question in situations you feel “bad” or not good enough, your authentic self will soon respond with conviction and authority.

This is what is meant by: don't own the shame others project onto you.


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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice.  If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, use these resources to obtain immediate help.

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